Should I introduce myself again?

It's been nearly 7 months since my last post.

I would like to say that we have been just hanging out laying around- relaxing--nothing much going on, but that my friends would be a downright lie. So much has happened that I can barely focus on what and when and where!

Many of you already know that Cody was involved in a horrible accident at the Lake of the Ozarks on July 3. We had gone to the lake with some of our best friends and we went with the intention of some R&R not a helicopter ride for one.

Cody was life flighted from the LOTO to Children's Mercy Hospital and underwent about 5 hours of brain surgery to repair a skull fracture that also tore the membrane around the brain. Richard and I were unable to ride in the helicopter, we had to drive the ridiculous 3 hour drive back to Kansas City not really knowing the status of our boy.

You learn a lot about yourself when you face something like that. I found that I need a lot of work, A lot.

I was living on the power of prayer, my faith in my Lord and Savior, and coffee. It wasn't the actual crisis that I found I needed th work. I knew who to turn to, I knew where my strength needed to come from, and I knew that Jesus was with me the entire time. It was after, it is now.

I really wanted to get depressed. I fought it with everything I had-somedays I beat it and others it conquered my mind. I hurt so bad for Cody. I knew his dreams of having an awesome Junior football season were nothing more than a wish and dream. I knew we should focus on the fact that Cody had a miracle healing, and yet I couldn't get past what he had to give up, and what we had to watch him give up.

People would say to me that we should just be happy is alive. Well, that's a given, of course we were thrilled and we praised God for that, but we still had this pile of "stuff" we needed to deal with. A big pile of disappointment. Cody has handled it better than I have.

The first home game I cried like a baby. Seriously, I finally had to tell myself to grow up. I was somewhat crying happy tears that he was alive and welland wearing that jersey, and somewhat crying because he wasn't playing.

My point is this, that with both situations I had to take them to the Lord and lay them at his feet. It's just too much for me to handle.

I am learning that something, are more of a minute by minute, hour by hour, and now a day by day thing. We weren't designed to carry the load. Not even the not so heavy ones.

Blessings,
Jen

Every mother understands.....

Last night, I had on my list a million things to do. You know the list...the one where even when you did something that you didn't originally have on the list- you put on the list- just so you can have the joy of marking it off...yah, that list.

I walk in the door and my lovely pooch has decided that after years of not claiming that he is a dog....has apparently decided to embrace the idea and dig through the trash can. It was lovely and unexpected and full of coffee grounds on top. Isn't that just precious?

I started a load of laundry, which by the way is so frustrating. Where does the laundry come from- and why do my children think that they need their pjs washed nightly? Ok, focus Jen focus. Well, I had a terrible time staying on task- so I texted a couple of friends and said-"we must walk the gravel"- the sunshine was calling my name. I walked over to a friend's house...not that i am counting but it was 1.4 miles there...:) and then Joan tried to kill me by thinking we should tackel some Mountain..yes, there are mountains in Missouri-or at least large hills. When I got home, I was so beat and my feet hurt so bad...yet there was my list.

I took a shower and while in there, worked out in my mind how I would get everything done. I would get supper on the grill, change out the laundry, run the vaccum--get my grocery list for Easter ready, fold a load of clothes, pay some bills, and clean the bathroom...finish dinner and get the dishes done and be in bed by 10:30- not a minute later.

As I was getting out of the shower, the phone was ringing--it was my Mom. Cindy has issues with locking her keys in the car. Sometimes, she has been known to do this twice in one day...She was at Sam's club and apparently had done it again. So, I headed to her house to get her spare and then on to Sam's.

It was so nice out that a girl must do what a girl must do....I rolled down the windows (with wet hair mind you) and blasted my radio and sang my heart out down I29. It took me back to being 16 and cruising around with friends and then ending the evening sitting on tailgates at Hardees parking lot. Except I was now in a minivan, wet hair, no make up, and I would sit at Sam's Club.

I arrive at Sam's to find my mom close to being escorted out of Sam's club because she had been there for years....(kidding Mom)I dropped off the key, and headed back home...Let the cruising resume! Wahooooo!

Arrived at home, made some shrimp stir fry on the grill...did put another load of laundry in....and skipped the rest. I felt like throwing in the towel....but then realized that would just create more laundry- so I just turned the list upside down...and ignored it....until today.

Blessings-
Jen

Enjoying the Sunshine....from a windowless office

I wish I had a window in my office.

I stay tucked away in my office most of the day- really never knowing what it is doing outside-somedays this is good- others- I am totally missing out.

Today would be the "missing out."

I remember days like this- the first days of spring....the reminder that summer is around the corner- which meant NO SCHOOL...the excitement of wearing shorts to school, the Schwan man coming to both of my Grandma's houses. Our Grandma had the ice cream yummies and our Granny had chicken nuggets and corn dogs. Ahhhhh.....summer.

My cousin who is only 18 months younger than me would sit on top of the swingset slurping our ice cream and dreaming what our playhouse would be next. Jeff always wanted to make it a law office and I wanted to make it a home. We had the playhouse of all playhouses at our Grandparents farm. We mistakenly thought that a shed that was delivered from King City Lumber was our playhouse. It was for the farm. However, we had a Grandpa with a heart the size of Texas, who I think in a week, had another one delivered just for his grandkids cause he felt so bad that our little spirits were crushed. It took us about an hour to have that shed filled up with toys and ideas. Ahhhhh, summer.

I can still remember the wind in my face as we raced up and down that gravel road on our four wheelers and go-karts. The dust flying as we blazed through the farm, Grandpa yelling to SLOW DOWN, and the smell of Grandma's marigolds (and cows.)

Last week, our first real spring day, my kids loaded up on their four wheelers and headed out with the neighbors. As they pulled out and headed to the creek...I heard it....the laughter, saw the dust cloud (ok, actually it was mud flying, don't ruin my moment) and smelled the spring in the air. I took it all in. God's grace allowed me to live through the driving the four wheeler years, and now I get to experience it again-through my kids. I just stood there, with a few tears in my eyes- and thought "wow" and then I thought "oh my gosh,they are going to be a muddy mess" :)

I am a guessin' that tonight, I will hear the four wheelers, the laughter, and get to smell the country air. And if I am really lucky......God will allow me to recall a memory or two.

Blessings,
Jen

....................and yes Kensey Rae you can wear capris.....*rolling eyes* :))

Some roundtable talk....

Most days we have supper together. It is something that Richard and I have always deemed important. I am sure I read somewhere that if you have supper together your kids will be smart or stay drug free or that you receive some award for mother of the year....but it's important to us and for sure it is a good time.

Tonight I tried a new recipe. Well, since I joined Weight Watchers, I have a lot of new recipes. Tonight was Skinny Mini Meatloafs. Yes, you read that right. Unfortunately, they do not make you thin, nor can you eat a dozen of them just because they are low in points. I thought about writing WW and complaining, but chose not to. :)

Tonight was no different than any other night, Cody didn't get home from FFA until 7:30 so we held dinner for him. Richard and Kensey Rae were practicing softball in the front yard. (that will be another story for another time) Where was I? I was cooking. Duh. :)

We sit down and Richard asked Cody to bless the food. My kids usually say the blessing, as Richard thinks it is important for them to "hear" themselves pray. I kinda think it is all about that Richard has used up his word quota for the day at work. Whatever, it works for us.

Our usual dinner entertainment is Kensey Rae. She tells one story after another- and somehow is the first one done eating most nights. I honestly think it is that we sit stunned that a human being can talk so fast and for so long about.....nothing. We have the typical glance around the table as if it is code for "does she ever come up for air?" But, I will say we laugh ourselves to the point of no return.

Tonight she started in on something that happened at school and somehow we ended up with her crazy dream. Now, if dreams truly only go for 15 seconds-than Houston we have a problem, cause this girl talked about her dream (according to Cody) for 11 minutes and 34 seconds. The thing was, we didn't know she had switched from real life to the dream. I felt like we were in the middle of another Dallas episode and JR wasn't really shot. I finally say, "Wait Wait Wait, what happened?" and she proceeds to tell me and Cody says, "Kens, what are you talking about?" Kensey lets out an irritated sigh, "my dream Cody!" and we are like, "Your Dream?"

*shaking head*

There is only one Kensey Rae, and she is ours. You can borrow her from time to time to just light up your world, but you have to give her back..(you may want to anyway) If I start drinking coffee at night, she is the reason, I need to be fully alert to listen to her stories.

Night All-

Blessings,
Jen

What a week.....

I am having one of those mornings where you would rather just sleep and forget that Wal-Mart needs to be visited and pretend Sam's Club never existed. I am worn out. I am such a pansy. I worked four days this week, but I did work 41 hours in those 4 days. Give me something, here....please? Throw in a board meeting, a dodgeball tournament, a weight watcher meeting, and an entire evening devoted to cleaning the house. I told Richard that I am ready to win the lottery, he suggested in order to do that, we needed to play. Darn.

The alarm has gone off three mornings at 4:45 am. I believe that is just wrong, and I demand to know who thinks my husband needs to get up at that time. I detest mornings. I am a night owl, always have been. I can do my best projects when the sun starts to go down. I have tried to change that, but unfortunately I wake up rather hateful each morning and asking forgiveness from loved ones all before the sun decides to shine.

Last week, I was on the treadmill each morning by 5:30, this week, I stared at it at 5:30. Darn again. I can find more excuses to not get on that dreadmill, and they flow through my brain starting everyday about 3:00- which happens to be the time I leave work.

So this morning, I am just asking God, why in the world am I so tired???? Then it hit me......I haven't made a lot of time for Him this week. The random Bible verse, the ongoing prayer for dear friends in their child's health crisis, but not really time for Him. Ahhhhh, yes, where has my devotional time been this week? My house is clean, laundry is done, my desk at work looks rather amazing....and yet...once again, I do not have it all together.

I am a firm believer that if I do not spend time with my God, than it may be a bad idea to spend time with me. I know in my heart He is a priority, yet my actions this week just didn't support that theory.

I am regrouping today. Before I head to Wal-Mart and Sam's and by the hospital to see a friend.....I have a date with my Lord. Hope He likes coffee that has been reheated......

Blessings,
Jen

**I was down 4.2 pounds at WW this week** yahoooo! :)

Remember me?

So, I am home today with a sick kid. Poor Cody- he is on day 4 of some crazy virus that has decided to take up residence on his head. Yes, I said "on" as in he is experiencing the worst headache he says he has ever had. Poor thing.

I stayed home today with him. It somewhat takes me back to the days when he really "needed" me. Now, I think he still needs me, not sure he realizes he still needs me, but he does. He's 16 now, somewhat a grown-up, somewhat a kid, basically the way I feel.

This grown-up stuff can just sometimes be overwhelming, can't it? I had to laugh so hard this morning, because apparently I don't have the grown up thing down yet either. I was making my bed and puttiing some laundry away and on my dresser is every book I am currently reading. (why do i start so many??)

Here's the list-

on top is the new book by Beth Moore....So Long Insecurity-you've been a bad friend to us---what a great book...chapter 7 was a little tough, it was somewhat like looking in the mirror-naked. YIKES! But Chapter 8 was starting to show God's plan and how it doesn't include insecurity. Pick up a copy- you will be blessed.

Dave Ramsey- Financial Peace Revised--ok, ok, I could have saved 20 dollars and not bought the book, but it was January and you are suppose to get things going in January-or at least I think you are-- It's a good book too--

Having a Mary Spirit-this is the Bible Study we are doing for a women's group at church- I have basically failed, I am a Martha-dang. I know I am, I have tried to change but barely get the M out and it changes from MMMMMary to MMMMMMMartha. God shakes his head, I put my head down....and move on to the next chapter. It's been good to know that I am not alone- apparently Martha is as popular as the name- Jennifer....

Finally some fun reading- a Karen Kingsbury book--second book of the First Born series--I am suppose to be done with it because I borrowed it from a friend who was going to loan it to another friend,so let's keep it quiet that it has a little dust on it.

So on those days when I ask my children, "why don't you ever learn?" Probably the most appropriate response should be, "cause you don't" but if they did that....they would be grounded and get to see first hand why I don't have it all together.....for a very long time.

I promised Kensey Rae I would make cinnamon rolls for her today and the bus will be here in a few short hours, so I better make good on my promise.

I've missed blogging and most likely the only person who will read this will be my Mom. But hey, she won't answer her phone today, so I guess at least she will know that her baby girl made her bed.

Blessings,
Jen