I flipped my lid this morning. I totally lost it. If I was in the race for the mother of the year, I blew it today.
Does that word make you want to cry? Kensey Rae's music class at school is currently using recorders. I have to listen to songs like Hot Cross Buns....over and over and over and over and over.
Kensey Rae is currently learning to play the song It's raining It's pouring....I am pouring and raining tears. She was nerved up on Tuesday for music class and so opted to have a few more days to practice and take her test on Thursday morning. I have listened to It's Raining It's pouring so many times over the last few days that I am quite sure I am headed to the "HAPPY FARM".....
I can't take it.
This morning she was practicing and going over it and over it so many times that I thought I was going to lose my mind. However, I contained myself all morning while we were at home. I encouraged her. (I left the room)
Anyway, she wanted to practice on the way to school. I told Cody to not critique her, as he flunked that part of music in the fourth grade as well. :~)
We head to school early as in 7:15 walking out the door, so that Kensey Rae could take her test. She started playing the recorder in the car on the way to school. At first, it just rubbed my nerves the wrong way...but I handled it. As we drove by Shady Lawn Nursing Home...I wanted to jump out of the car and beg them to take me in.....by the time we hit the bridge, I was CRAZY. When we hit the city limits...that is when it happened. I snapped.
She is terrible.
I can't really remember what all I said, but I do know that there was spit flying out of my mouth. That is never a good sign. I remember that when my Mom had the spit flying and the white foam in the corners of her mouth when I was a kid, it was best just to not say anything....THAT is where I was. I started saying you are not playing that note right, can you not hear that? Can you not put your stupid fingers over those holes and make that thing not sound like a dying cow? Can you not do that? How can you practice for hours upon hours and still stink?? I need to know that.
This all coming from a person who has been asked by choir directors at church to NOT join the church choir and to kindly lip sing hymns in the congregation.
Then, Cody chimed in.
Kenz, it goes like this (he begins to sing) It's Rain..ing.......It's Pour...ing...... I just looked at him and said, "YOU NEED TO NOT GIVE HER ADVICE CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A DROP OF MUSICAL TALENT EITHER!"
That rant continued past Shop and Hop and past Chuck's Auto service...and right on into the Middle School Student drop off site.
Cody, almost sheepishly, leaned over kissed me good-bye and headed into school, but not without saying..."Kenz, good luck"
I started to feel really bad.
I said, "Kenz, try it again"....WHY did I say that so close to my meltdown? I was not ready to hear it again, I knew it. I had not been to therapy, I had not had a coffee. WHAT was I thinking??
She began to play.
I closed my eyes at the stop sign. I rubbed my forehead. I did try to help my stress levels. Then I did it again......I blew. "STOP STOP STOP....oh please STOP my ears are bleeding I cannot take it anymore...put it in your bag and zip it up for Pete's Sake!!"
We arrived at Minnie Cline.
I walked her into school. I felt bad. I saw our principal and said..."Must we put the parents through the torture of listening to those recorders??" Her reply--"my daughter has been practicing in my office" She looked like she had a headache. I felt her pain. We bonded.
I waited outside the music room for the verdict.
It was a long wait. I watched child after child arrive to take over their recorder test. Most of them entered with the fear in their eyes. I knew their fear. I am sure their parents had threatened them with "you had better pass that stupid song or you are grounded for eternity" I waited and waited.
I waited some more.
As the door opened for another student to take their place in the line. I heard it. I heard it loud and clear. The dying cow. Oh my goodness it was such a cow that was in pain-lots of pain.
Kensey Rae emerged.
I said, "Well??" That is when the worst news I could ever hear came out of that child's mouth. "She wants me to practice some more"
I just stared at her. With tears in my eyes, I said good bye and told her to have a nice day. I walked slowly back to my car. How does one deal with such bad news? I replayed the morning in my head. Then, as if in slow motion, somewhat like the kid in Sandlot who says F-O-R-E-V-E-R.....I heard Kensey say it all over again in my mind....She wants me to practice some more.
I called Richard and he was very disappointed in me. He told me I had fractured her self esteem. I hurt her. Blah Blah Blah......So I responded the only way I knew how to... I must know my limits. I am not the one that should listen to her practice. I am not the one who needs to critique her and encourage her....her dad does!
Richard has a new job!! :~)
Kensey Rae's teacher is so good with the kids and puts on the best music programs EVER!! I cannot imagine the headache she must have after listening to 500 cows die all in the same week. ((((((Mrs. DeLapp))))) that is a virutal hug!
So, tonight as the thunderstorms move in.....I will be in the basement, but Richard will be upstairs listening to his darling daughter play that stupid thing..and if a tornado happens to pop up...spare the house....just take the recorder.
I am off to find some advil....
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